I've been thinking about what the hell we're going to do for Christmas this year. It's going to be a little different.
For the past few years, since my parents split up, I've had my mom and sister to my house for Christmas Eve. We went to church, they spent the night, and we'd wake up the next day to open presents and I'd cook breakfast. This tradition was started by me the first year we celebrated without my dad, and after they sold the house and my mom was living in a shitty little trailer. It's worked up until now. Or last year, really.
Last year was a strange one for me. Long story short, my sister's boyfriend stayed the night with us (not an issue, just a new thing), and my sister and mom got into a fight which prompted my mother to leave early on Christmas morning, leaving me to cook for my sister and her boyfriend only. My mom was kind of a pain about coming to my place for Christmas anyway, because she always acted like packing up her dog was such a hassle. She also puts off wrapping presents until the last minute, so she always had to lug all that stuff over and was up late doing that. Last year Pissboy was not there because he was with his family celebrating their Christmas tradition, and had spent quite a bit of the night with his sister in the ER (she leaned on a pillow which had a sewing needle in it-ouch). Not to mention the problems we were having (and the ones I didn't know we were having) around this time last year.
I made up my mind that last year would be the final year of the Christmas Eve overnight at my place. Mom is out of the trailer, my sister and her boyfriend will be coming to town and staying with her (I assume), and I would like to spend the night at home, with my boyfriend and my dog, and relax if at all possible.
So this leads to the question...how are we going to do this?
My assumption is that Christmas Eve will be spent with my family, apart from PB. He'll probably be with his. Eventually we'll come home and have the rest of the night together. But what about Christmas Day? Not sure how the morning will pan out. My sister isn't exactly on the friendliest terms with PB after our issues. This could be a problem. Is it best to avoid? I haven't really figured out how we're going to handle that.
This year will be a transitional one. It'll be the first one where I consider us to be a real couple, making decisions together about our Christmas. The first one that isn't completely centered around my mom, and my sister.
The first one where I'm not trying to take responsibility for everyone's plans and replacing the role of my dad. There was a time for that...and I think that time has passed. Is this Christmas/Independence Day? Maybe.
What are your traditions? Are you doing anything differently this year? Did you have a transitional year, where your traditions changed? How did you handle it?
Dish, people. I'll be off getting drunk.
Every year growing up, my Christmas was spent with my mother's family. She grew up with 6 bothers and sisters, so it was a fun, crazy, biligual holiday.
ReplyDeleteNow that I'm older, I find that is not as much fun any longer. I've bypassed everyone (except my father) in schooling and travel and they exclude me more and more every year as I don't have a husband nor children. It's automatically assumed that I don't really need a present (or common fucking courtesy) since I only have myself to buy for all the time.
I love my family but they don't take lightly the fact that I've strayed so far from what they expected for me.
So what I do now is I go and see the family in the morning (open presents yadda yadda) and then I have an Orphan's Dinner at my house for my friends who don't have family in town (and can't afford to go home). I'll cook the main courses and a few desserts while they all bring the side dishes and alcohol. Two years running and it's always a good drunken time.
Orphan's Dinner sounds like a fabulous time!
ReplyDeleteI say Orphan's Dinner for EVERYONE.
ReplyDeleteFamilies are just people you're forced to tolerate. There aren't a lot of us who would pick those buggers to hang around with if we met them as strangers, and we've known them our whole lives.
Time for some 'orphan time'...don't call us, we'll call you!
Very interesting, because I'm in a similar situation. Up until two years ago, my Christmas was like this:
ReplyDeleteChristmas Eve: Aunts/uncles/cousins/friends gather at my parents' for finger food, wine, and fun. Gifts are exchanged by those who won't see each other during the rest of the holidays. Boyfriend and I would go home and open gifts, drink some more, and go to bed.
Christmas Day: Head back to my parents', do gifts with them and my sister, eat cinnamon rolls, then home to dress and off to my grandpop's for dinner.
Last year was shitty. My parents had split some months earlier, my mom and I were out of work, and my sister had bought a house. (My boyfriend and I had broken up in February after almost three years together and a diamond ring, so I was back at the homestead.) I went to my cousin's briefly on Christmas Eve, and mom and I headed to my sister's for breakfast Christmas morning, did gifts (my mom and I didn't even have a tree), I got drunk on mimosas, and watched BBC America all day on the couch.
This year? Mom and I have jobs, and gifts are bought. Tree will be purchased and decorated this week. Sadly, my sister and her boyfriend called it quits for good on Tuesday, so she's back at the homestead (for some reason, HE gets to stay in the house that has both of their names on it). I won't see my boyfriend until the 26th since he has family obligations in DE. I think we're having some family for dinner on Christmas Day. Not sure.
Back to the point, which is to respond to your post. I think, honestly, you need to do what feels right for you and PB. Like you said, this is your first TRUE Christmas as a couple. If your sister can't suck it up and be civil, both out of respect for you and the spirit of the freakin' season, then don't include her. You should be able to look back on this year with happy, special memories as the Christmas that was the first of many wonderful Christmases throughout your life as a couple (and, maybe a few years down the road, the PissBoy family).
Need. More. Coffee. Rambling Nicole.
Well me and the missus are an odd couple to begin with; I'm a jaded New England WASP, she's a Toronto Jewish Princess. Since moving up to be with her in the Big Smoke, we've been holding our own holiday traditions- mainly because my own side of the camp has been less than receptive to my taking of a bride of neither my faith nor homeland. So FUCK IT, until kids start populating our homestead, we're doing our own traditions- eccentric though they may be.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, we've been having an annual trip to the movies "For Jews & Displaced Christians" since we're sure to fill out both qualifications. On various years we take others with us (mostly my Jewish in-laws). This year we're looking forward towards the Christmas opening of "Sherlock Holmes" whether it's a homo-erotic crapfest or misunderstod gem we'll find out for sure. Following that is usually a feast of some Asian persuation (a la A Christmas Story). Last year however, we found many of the places we'd usually haunt were closed, so this year I'm cooking up a nice mild batch of veggie chilli, cheese quesadillas and guacamole nachos (Feliz Navidad!) while watching Christmas DVD's by the fireplace. I think next year I might opt with the more traditional "Thanksgiving II" spread. I do all of the cooking, and it might be nice to do the typical bird, spuds and stuffing instead of kung pow, General Tso, and moo goo guy pan.
No worries about the Tex-Mex aftermath, you know your relationship is plenty stable when you're at the "Open Fart" stage. Had I known my future wife would dutch oven me with extreme prejudice I might have married her even earlier rather than risk hernias trying to convince her I wasn't one of those ogers that gets gas.